Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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