you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
