If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry about my life...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
