So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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