Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
