Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
