I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
