I'm drive I can fine osifer
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize