Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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