Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sext me about skeletons
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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