I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
