dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
