i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
