very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
