I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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