your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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