Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have aggressive nipples.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
