Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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