I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
