dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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