I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
