I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
