The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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