I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
