roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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