time to smoke my breakfast
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
soo... how was my night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
