Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
