Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
