tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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