so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
