we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
