Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
