Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who died my cat blue again?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
