mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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