Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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