ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
