I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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