was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
