omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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