Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
