You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
