my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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