A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
