she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the liver wants what the liver wants
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
