i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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