Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
