Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize