guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
