eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize