You can't special order awesome
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
