Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
