its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
