with your own penis?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
