I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
