Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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