every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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