He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Actions speak louder than pants.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
