Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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