Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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