if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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