he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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