it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
