I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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