Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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